A Prank that Lavi would never forget
by blatant-rusted
Summary: Lavi pranks everyone. Now it's their turn to get him back, even if it means to do a gender bending stunt. Kind of wierd creepy girl Kanda in it...
1. Chapter 1

I have been dared to do a fic like this

**Rusty brings you a fic that will confuse you. It's a twoshot, again. It's about playing a prank on Lavi. I've made it like a story with no hint of any prankishness in sight. But don't worry, it will come. It's supposed to throw off the reader so consider yourself warned. Kanda is not a girl. He is a boy. Though I will refer to him as both a girl and a boy. I confused myself when I wrote this but all your warnings are up there.**

**Rated T and me no own DGM**

--

Allen walked through the lonely corridors. He was hungry and tired and had just gotten back from a mission. But lo and behold, he had to go on another one! He only had three hours to eat, get some medication and get ready for the mission. Maybe he could sleep on the train or something. And may we all guess who his partner for this mission was? Why Kanda of course! Now he was stuck looking for Kanda and could not figure for the life of him where he was. He looked in the forest, the training floor, even the cafeteria and there was no sign of Kanda anywhere. He collapsed on the staircase, doubting if he would ever find Kanda in time or suffer the consequences of getting killed by Komui. Then the greatest idea came to him, why not check in Kanda's room? He was sure that even someone like Kanda spent at least some time in his own room.

He couldn't have mission after mission, could he? Though, Allen was a little scared to confront Kanda in his pitiful state. He was just a tad bit too weak to defend himself right now. Allen decided he would eat and get medicated before going to that room. That way, he would be prepared to defend himself. He went to the cafeteria where, to Jeryy's happiness, he ordered everything on the menu and ate it in under half an hour. Then he headed to the infirmary where he was well medicated and all his injuries were taken care of without the use of a drill. Now that, he was most thankful for. Now to go back to his little mini mission. Looking for Kanda's room. Not such an easy task he may have said to himself like fifteen minutes ago. When he finally found Kanda's room, he was sure he had dropped at least half his body weight. But lo, what was this he was hearing when he froze like a rock under ice?

"Are you, man?" he heard Lavi say behind the closed door.

Allen thought he had come to the wrong room and was about to leave when his thoughts were proven wrong.

"No," Kanda said inside that room.

Jackpot, he had just found Kanda. Now let the eternal torture begin! Oh wait…that had to wait after he was beaten to a bloody pulp.

"I don't believe you. I want proof," Lavi said.

Allen thought they were discussing something trivial, like a game or some past mission. Lavi could always get Kanda to talk about his past missions with a little determination and a lot of blood on his part. Allen knocked on the door three times and the room fell silent.

"Come in," Kanda still had that murderous edge but today he was off his rocker inviting people to come in and stuff like that, "What the-what are you doing?"

Allen opened the door a little too late so he wasn't able to react fast enough and withdraw his hand. So he simply ended up looking at the scene before him. It was definitely on his top ten list of mentally scarring things. Actually, it landed on his list of the top ten things that have scarred him for life. His lower jaw would have dropped off its hinges if it had any. He swore his eyes were burning from the sight and his hand gripped the door handle a little too tightly. Any tighter and the brass handle might actually break.

The scene lain out before him was this. Kanda was leaning back on his bed, sword drawn and shirt open. Lavi was above him, clutching said shirt and the buttons were scattered across the room. They were looking at Allen. It was exactly that for exactly three minutes and thirty seconds before Allen snapped back to actual reality. He regretted opening the door and ever seeing anything.

"I thought so," Lavi said with a broad smile on your face, "You are a girl!"

Allen went back into momentary shock and came back out more mentally scarred than ever. Kanda…a girl…? That could not possibly be…there was no was that Kanda could ever be a girl. No way at all. Kanda grabbed his shirt back and wrapped it around his chest, hiding some very tightly wounded bandages. He glared at Lavi while he continued to banter about how this explained everything and stuff like that.

"…and it explains why we think you have PMS sometimes and stuff like mood changes…no, please don't kill me your majesty!" he begged.

Kanda decided that Lavi had said one too many things this time and it was his turn to pay for it. But first he had to deal with some other people. He turned to Allen and glared at him, shooting out daggers with his eyes.

"Tell anyone and your head will be mounted on the gate and your body will never be found. Now what do you want?" he…she asked.

"We have a mission today in two hours," he left the briefings on the floor, "See you around!"

He was about to make a run for it and forget everything he had just seen but it was slightly impossible. It was imprinted in his mind forever now and there was no erasing it. Then he wondered if Lenalee knew about this.

"Does your mother know?" Lavi asked, mimicking Allen's thoughts.

Kanda got up very calmly and went towards him, sword pointed. This was not the right time to joke.

"She doesn't," Lavi grinned, "I guess I'll tell her then."

He stopped in front of Allen who was still frozen in the doorway by some mysterious force.

"Hey Allen, you alright?" he asked, "I think you have mentally scarred Allen. Poor guy. I'm still going to tell Lenalee."

Lavi made a run for it towards Lenalee's room, Kanda right behind him, still clutching his…her shirt closed. As he rounded the corner and pounded on the door, he was once again faced with beaten up. He counted down in his mind. Five…the blade touched his throat. Four…Allen was going to make a run for the stairs but forgot he had to pass through the corridor they were in. Three…Lavi was making a list of things to do when he got out of this mess; if he got out of this mess. Two…the blade was about to puncture his flesh. One…Lavi grinned widely as the door handle turned. Zero…Lavi fell inside the room with a thud therefore escaping once more. Lenalee rubbed her eyes. She had fallen asleep yet again while reading some weird manual. She looked from Lavi to Kanda and back again.

"Huh…somebody knocked?" she said.

"Mother!" Lavi cried.

"Mother? Is this some kind of prank?" she asked.

"Eeep! Lenalee, Yuu's a-"

He didn't quite get to finish that because he had to duck for cover. This was not fun anymore. Allen quietly crept towards the stairs and ran for it. He would go wait by the boat, wait and think about clouds for the rest of his life. And if clouds didn't work, he would think about food but that would make him hungry. So he decided to think about lights. Not just one kind of light but all sorts of lights. Like sunlight, lightning, blue lights, green lights, red lights, white lights and other various lights that would bore him. Or he could think about light in water. Now that wasn't boring! After all it was pretty and looked really cool if it passed like veins. Ooh, that would look so awesome. And if there were little fishes in the water distorting the light…even better. Not that it didn't help with the mental scar but it sure distracted him.

Backtracking to Lenalee's room where Lavi finally got to tell her because no one was allowed to harm people in her room without her permission. She looked more awake than before and gripped the bed sheets tightly.

"WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" she practically screamed but her room was soundproof so no one heard.

"Che."

"See? You didn't even tell your own sister," Lavi scolded. Boy was he going to get beat up.

"I'm not his…erm…her sister you idiot," she argued, "Lavi, you shouldn't invade people's privacy like that! Anyway, why have you hid this from your own mother?"

Kanda flinched. If she wasn't pissed off right now, she would have not taken it on. Lenalee grinned cheekily at the wall and Lavi was near the window, in case he needed a quick escape route. But now was not the time to become a mass murderer.

"Che. Whatever," she said leaving.

"Does Komui know about this Lenalee?" Lavi asked.

"Yes," Kanda burst his bubble.

But Komui really did know but had to keep it a secret at the request of a General. Kanda changed, picked up the briefings and headed towards the boat. She was glad she had a mission today but had a suspicion that Lenalee might try something. Evil pranksters deserved to die. She knew two who deserved it more than anything else. Allen was looking at the water and counting the tadpoles by the time Kanda arrived and sat inside the boat. Their finder today was some lady named Hello. What kind of parent named their child Hello? The conversation went like this.

"Good evening Mr. Kanda, Mr. Walker. My name is Hello and I'll be your finder for this mission. My favourite food is Macaroni and cheese. What's yours?" she asked.

"Che. Like I'm going to tell you," Kanda scoffed.

Allen continued to count the tadpoles in the water. Something as seriously wrong with this kid Hello thought. As of this moment he had gotten to three thousand, four hundred and sixty-five. So she started to carry the boat onward. Allen however couldn't deal with the fact that he had been afraid of a girl all this time with the head nurse as an exception because she scared everyone. And so he continued to count tadpoles. Now he had just crossed the four thousand tadpole border as they swam away. He had actually counted the same thirty tadpoles over and over. So much for distractions. So he began to count the visible pores on his hand. Maybe after the mission, he would be able to act normal again. He suddenly felt an urge to eat cake.

"How did I do?" Allen asked smiling evilly.

"Terrible but at least he believed you were mentally scarred. Lenalee did worse than you. Just hope she's believable," Kanda began to read the briefings once more.

--

**Why Lavi calls Lenalee mother is a mystery to me but I thought it was funny that he would call anyone thatMy friend Adeline wants to see some LenaleeXKanda and Jessie a girl wants to see a KandaXLavi but Penelope wants Yullen. Allen is in on the prank so he's only pretending to be mentally scarred. Rusty shall see you around peeps. Also, if you want the totally made up list of the top ten things that have scarred Allen for life, feel free to ask via a message.**


	2. Chapter 2

So I really couldn't take it anymore and decided to do whatever I want

**So I really couldn't take it anymore and decided to do whatever I want. And that is absolute nonsense. So if you hate it, go ahead. But I love doing random crap. Kanda is not a girl. He is a boy. Also, Penelope asked for the most random thing. She asked for Kanda to have something lacy and I don't want to get on her bad side or say what she wants to be lacy. She'll kill me. Sorry, if you don't like reading crack you can leave. Straight out Yullen. I don't care what pairing you wanted anymore.**

**Rated T. Me no own DGM…me make own stories.**

--

So far Allen had almost completed his part. He hoped Lenalee had completed hers.

After the mission, Allen acted like a normal boy again. Now all he wanted was cake. That craving for cake had not gone away. Why he wanted it was a mystery to life itself. So he headed straight for the cafeteria and got some cake. First strawberry, then chocolate and finally ending with a marble cake. His craving was gone, for now and now he wished he could sleep for the rest of his life. But Lavi dragged him away towards Lenalee's room. Over the past month, Lavi and Lenalee had been planning to do a big job. They had totally done it over and now hid from what was to be the next apocalypse.

Kanda walked to her room. It was darker that usual when she opened the door. She felt around for the light switch and felt something fluffy next to it. When she turned on the lights, Mugen hit the floor. Never in her life did this come into play. There were frilly curtains and fluffy cushions. The carpet was bubblegum pink and the bed was covered in various shades of the hideous colour. The walls were magenta and down to the table with the lotus had a pink table cloth on it. She went toward the wardrobe and opened the draws and almost screamed. Then she opened the wardrobe door and nearly fainted. In the wardrobe were at least a dozen dresses and various outfits hanging inside. In the draws was the most hideous site she had ever seen. Even compared to the room, it was bad. Lace…underwear…inside…her…draws. This was bad. This was horrible. This was Lenalee and Lavi's doing.

Kanda was going to kill them both but looked under the bed. In a black garbage bag marked rubbish laid her old clothes. At least they didn't throw it out. She looked up. Even the light bulb was pink. Were they trying to kill themselves? She walked towards that door slowly.

"What?" Allen stood up, "You're going to get me killed as well."

He tried to leave but they had already taken out the duct tape. Once he was firmly tied to the chair, they turned to the door. It was almost upon them.

"Lavi?" Lenalee said.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"If I die, tell Kanda I loved him."

"What?" Lavi and Allen said at once.

"I've always known she was a girl. And I love her," she smiled sheepishly, "but I couldn't tell you that, now could I?"

"I think I've been mentally scarred for life. Lavi, throw me out the window," Allen said.

Lavi, whose jaw had dropped to the floor, did not respond. He had not heard this. He had not heard this. He had not heard this. He had not just heard Lenalee say that. But he had and now he too was mentally scarred.

"Allen and I will just leave now," he said as he lifted the chair.

She came at him with the duct tape in hand. There would be no escape. She blindfolded them and left them to sink in what the hell they had just heard. But the fact in the matter was, she was just playing them. It was all a prank. But she would do what she must. After all, she wasn't innocent as she claimed to be. Lenalee could be very weird if the time called. And today was one of those days. She could feel the evil aura coming closer and closer with each step and smiled.

Komui sat in his office. He felt a little upset in the stomach today, like his sister was about to do something horrendous. But of course, she wasn't about to do anything. Yet he could still feel it.

"You have a couple thousand things to sign," Reever and the other workers in the science department lined up with a lot of paper.

Komui wished he was on a tropical island right about now.

Kanda continued down the halls. No one got away with doing what they did to her room. After all, it was fine just the way it was; blank. She didn't want it to look like Lenalee's room. That was just scary. They would pay dearly for their crimes. Both of them. This was the door. She turned the handle and met with Lavi and Allen bound. It was slightly hilarious but easy to finish off the job. Kanda stepped into the room and the door closed. Lavi tried to warn her through the muffled sounds but it was a little too late.

"Did you like your room?" Lenalee asked sweetly.

"I'm going to kill you and that psychopath brother of yours," Kanda hissed.

Komui sneezed in his office. Probably his darling sister talking about him.

Lenalee advanced on Kanda.

"You know I've always liked you," she said.

"Huh? I'm leaving before this gets any weirder," Kanda suddenly changed her mind.

"But I love you," Lenalee said taking another step closer.

Poor Kanda was against a wall. Lavi's blindfold fell off and he witnessed the horror through his one good eye as Lenalee closed the gap between them and kissed Kanda on the mouth. Lavi nearly screamed. He would never be the same again. Then Lenalee broke the kiss and started laughing like a maniac. Kanda smiled wickedly.

"Suckers," she said, "Kanda's a guy. We got you good Lavi." She took out the gag.

"But he had…"

Kanda reached down inside his shirt and pulled out something that looked like a chunk of flesh. Bandages came out with it.

"It's rubber idiot," he said, "It's not real."

"But what about Allen?" he asked.

Lenalee unbound Allen. He was laughing quite a bit.

"The shrimp was in on it too," Kanda said.

"We were tired of you playing tricks on us so we decided to play a trick on you," Allen headed towards the door.

Lavi sat there like a fool. He had been conned, played like an idiot. This was not fair. He was the master prankster around, not them.

"So you didn't really kiss him right?" he asked.

"Of course not. I kissed a mask," she showed him.

Kanda left the room followed by Allen. Lenalee tore of the tape and let Lavi be free. But Lavi was bent on revenge. He had some very compromising things up his sleeve and wouldn't let them get off easily. Like the fact that Lenalee was the one doing all the hate graffiti about her brother in his office. And the reason behind every fight Allen and Kanda had. And those reasons weren't the ones they played. Oh he was going to get them good. But damn…they were good actors. Every single one of them. He believed everything they threw at him. He had to perfect his skills now.

Lenalee had retrieved all her stuff from in Kanda's room and set it the way it's supposed to be; blank. She then proceeded to her room to prepare for a secret rendez-vouz with a finder called Leo. Lavi crept down the hall with his camera. Blackmail was all he had left. He spied Allen pull Kanda down for a kiss and took as many pictures as possible. But the arank they played on him would be one pank that Lavi would never, ever forget.

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**Blah, blah, blah…me, me, me. I confused myself sometimes when I wrote it. I know it confused a lot of you. I went with the Yullen pairing because I am evil and I said I was going to be that. I had to make it believable. Anything about this is accepted.**


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